Fine. Let's jump into the pool. Head first, deep side looming.
It may not seem to many who don't really know me that I don't have a love life. Surprise surprise... I actually do.
Although I can count the relationships I have had on my one hand, I really don't mind. I can actually speak out of experience and say that I am lucky to have a above average love life. It's not that I'm being vain about it - I'm just stating the fact.
So, why don't I share my experience with cheaters.
I had this thought yesterday: Are people so scared these days to venture into a relationship that they now hop around from person to person? Or even worse, when finding somebody you actually love, do you really "make a mistake" by loving somebody else?
After I was cheated for the ... 4'th time by somebody, I decided to just be young and free again. I did this thing where I went on a serial dating-spree, no feelings, just living for that moment.
It was wrong of me to expect that I wouldn't hurt myself, yet alone other people. I did in the end, end up with this big mess that I'm still cleaning up. I can still blame the previous ex for what they did, but I did it to myself didn't I?
So my ex. What did they do? Well - I found a string of sms's on their phone from somebody else. It was indeed emotional cheating and I'm still left to wonder if it was physical cheating as well. I chose to keep quiet about the SMS's and try and win their love over just like I could do best. In the end I turned into this Basic Instinct Psycho that went and got too obsessed. And when they left me I got the speech: "I need to focus on my exams. I can't deal this stress now." I was told that it would be 22 days before I would get my final answer as to if the relationship would survive or not. 22 Days passed and I had to drag an answer out there: "I should've probably told you weeks ago, but it's not going to work. Sorry. We can still be kinky friends if you want to?"
It was not the same as the previous 3, but hey - It was enough to finally make me scared of love and make me run the other way if somebody came charging to me with hearts for eyes.
What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Where did I go wrong?
I may want to keep thinking where I went wrong, but then I realize that I'm right where I need to be.
For the first time in my life I can actually say I am content with where I am.
For now, in this moment in my life, I can truly say that I am content and happy with where I am.
I might not be happy with the fact of being single again, but I like the idea of getting use to it.
In this moment I just want to be. Without any strings attached to anything. I just want to experience life with my new glasses on.
For now, I love this moment. For now, I'm smiling again.
