Looking into the mirror

I have always been very observant. Like since the age of 5 I use to pick up people's behaviour around me and tap into what might be going on. I think it's that curiousity that has lead me to become a journalist, but hey. Curiosity won't kill this cat.

The behaviour of people always fasinates me. I could spend hours on a bench in a busy park, looking at people, just trying to puzzle them out.

Yet, while trying to puzzle them out, I end up not realising the most important thing: I can't puzzle myself out.

Many things have happend to me this year that has been changing my life and me as for the better or the worse. I have not been beat down yet, but I feel like it now.

Looking in the mirror I can't even answer the most important question: Who are you. I just stare at the blank expression and no answer comes up.

My one friend said it's like I am having a mid-life crisis at the age of 20. Like I had been living and not actually being tapped into that and then one day I realise that I don't know who David Engelbrecht actually is.

Fine. So I have a problem. Everybody has problems. You can now either point and stare and be like: "What the fuck", but I can point back at you and say them same. You could have a sex addiction or have some lesser insecurity that makes you seek constant approval. Bulimia? Annorexia? Hmmm... So? You want to still point at me and say what the fuck.

Same thing every morning. Look into the mirror. Try to answer. Still no answer.

Mirror in my hand, throwing it to the floor, I breathe for the first time in a while.

I know the answer will come eventually. Isn't that why I am growing up? To get to the point where the question doesn't need to be asked. Knowing what the answer is without asking.

I knew I didn't want to end up like Snow White's evil stepmother who talked to a mirror just to know if she is "still the fairest of them all." I want to be me. David.

And then it hit me. That story is still being written. Here and now. I should live for the here and now. No looking back. Only forward.

No more looking into the mirror for me

Superwoman

Its a myth. Its a legend. Its a comic creeping out of a pencil from some sluggish nurd still living with his mom. Its a little hard to believe. Superwoman. Can't be...

Exactly 4 hours after her husband was brutally assisinated, Jackie Kennedy stood next to Vice Pres. Lyndon Johnson on Air Force One in her blood stained Chanel suit. It was just hours after she had screamed the words, "I've got his brains in my hands", to a member of the Secret Service and the widow was taking into event how her husband was being replaced as President of the United States. A photograph taken during the even where Johnson was being sworn in, shows Jackie as a grieving widow. Shock impaling her face, fear draining the blood, and anger gripping her tight. Important of all, she stood next to Johnson, hours after her husband had been shot dead infront of her. Superwoman? Yes.

Mother Teresa gave up a life to devote herself to the poor. She became a nun, stripped herself of all materialistic posessions and took a vow to God under his oath that she would work for him and the greater good. Winning awards and Nobel Peace Prizes she gave the money to the poor, stating that she was already a completed human being. Superwoman? I think so.

After Anne Boleyn was beheaded in the Tower of London, her daughter Elizabeth I vowed to never get married and make the same mistake as her mother did. Instead she decided to marry her country. Under the rule of Elizabeth I, England had what is now referred to as The Golden Age. Defeating the Spanish Armada and the Church of England during her reign as Queen of England, Elizabeth proved to be a worthy opponent to any country and stood for what she believed in. Monarchy never bloomed as much as it did when Elizabeth ruled. Her iron fist kept England on its toes. Superwoman? Damm right!

The Good Wifes. Hilary Clinton, Natasha Sutherland and Amor Vittone. After their husbands were slandered by the press and were accused for whoring around, who stood around by their side, believing them rather than the tsunami of evidence against their husbands? They did. Despite the fact that they all left their husbands, they had the strength and courage to try and fight for their marriges, and new when they reached their limits. It takes a great woman to stick by her husbands side after such a scandal, leave and pick up the pieces. Superwoman. Of course!

Standing for her political party, Helen Zille may be feared by many, but this "racist white girl" is the only one with guts to silence Julius Malema. After pointless attempts to make her off as a witch, this steel magnolia still stands proud as a respected politician who was voted as World Mayor. Superwoman? Guess you already know the answer.

So. This is not a myth. Its not a comic. Superwoman are amongst us and they are famed in the anals of history.  Try keeping your eye open for that blue and red cape the next time you driving somewhere. Superwoman? Could be ;-)

The day I spent wondering the shops and found my true love

So...

 

R350 later and my salary bending over it's true extent and the feeling of euphoria drifting high in the air.

 

I am on cloud nine and even though my day was one of the worst,I would admit that me buying some random things,made me feel rather good. But,about just an hour later it hits me like a double decker bus in England trafic.

 

Shoping does indeed replace the emotional pain u may experience...never mind what Oprah or Dr.Phil says. It does help. For one moment you can loose yourself,just like that scene in "Under The Tuscan Sun" where the actress portrays her legendary performance of La Dolce Vita in the Tuscan fountain. For me,being a guy and all,doing shoping is the best therepy than playing rugby and breaking ur leg,or chasing up a highway with a car and slaming into a lampost. I get to find myself some pretty decent stuff and have fun at the same time, even if it is for a few moments. The paper money flowing from my hands, the swipe of the plastic debit card through the machine, the pen in my warm palm signing away. It's a theraputic rythm that beats through store upon store I visit. So...

 

R350 later I lay now in my bed,yet again thinking of all my shit. So...

 

Today is stil laying ahead...and there are way load more stuff to be bought.